Christmas bun

Christmas! Ho ho ho!

Well I usually dun really care abt Christmas. But yesterday I wanted to. Maybe it's jus an urge to go out n play. I didn't do much though. time really flies..

Went to eat breakfast with k. Followed by a drink at starbucks. Followed by lunch n shopping at ntuc. Feels shiok to pat tor once in a while. It's difficult to bring him out plus the outside world is kindof germy for a little bear.

I had to come home n pump. Also I needed to take care of my lil bear. I felt a bit guilty tat My parents had to babysit. The rest of the aft k spent it sleeping. Pig.

K gave me socks again. Christmas present. I got socks for my last two birthdays. I told him to be more creative. I hardly wear socks! Lucky got some cute stickers too. At least my gift more intereSting lor. A banana holder with a cute froggie scissors. Cool rite?

My little bear is sleeping n waking up now. Have to pat him every now n then. Wonder if it's cos he dun like the orange chair we put him on ? But he slept v well last night with the blasting tv sound.

Anyway I realized it's not the caffine tats keeping him awake. Served him freshly squeeZed milk yesterday morn. He also woke up after a while. N I definately didn't consume anything in the middle of the night. I have been missing my fav drink though.. Im not addicted anyway.

I dun have a Christmas wish. No idea what to wish for. As in nothing special. The usual health n happiness bah. Hope my little bear Grows up like his daddy, take care of bun. Hee..

Oh yah, I hope to have a little bun next round. Then I can close shop. Meanwhile I shall enjoy my non preg state now. Haha.. I can lie on my stomach n sleep, curl up into a ball n snuggle, walk ard without panting.

I managed to put on my ring again. Jus tat it's a little tight. So I took it off again. Consolation. The weighing scale is showing me good weight. I'm hitting my target soon.

Boss asking when exactly I wanna go back to work. Frankly I dont. But well, she asked. Sian man.. If not for the money I won't work. But then again. I do need the money. Haha.. Better dun offend her...

Fatty bear

I'm a little Teddy bear small and FAT! Haha. Yay! Lil bear's getting bigger.

But these few days he didn't sleep well. I dunno why also. He wakes up after snoozing for 15 min. I didn't drink kopi leh... We suspect his teeth may be growing soon. Lil bear bites the pacifier and constantly tries to bite everything. He keeps drooling too.. He has saliva all over him. So unglam. Haha..

I can feel a big bundle resting in my arms when I carry him. Baby fat. But if he dun sleep there goes my chubby bear. Well, see how bah. Too fat also no good, too thin also no good. But i know If he doesn't sleep I'm gonna be a dark eye ring bun.

Met up with the gals on wed. Was looking forward to my only occasion. It felt really strange to go to tanjong pagar. All the crowds n stuff. Peak hour rush. I really dun miss tat shit. I got another mth of hol. Now my brain has started to disintegrate. I'm really not using much of it. Im getting lazy. All I can think of is k to come back and accompany bun. A pampered big bun. I got no mood to think of anything else.

Thinking of starting lil bear on some formula milk. Wonder if I'm rushing into things. Wonder if he will sleep well after that. He cried at 4am this morning even after feeding. Short outbursts which cause a lot of interrupted sleep.

Yawn. Shall take a nap now. Sleepy. Lil bear sleep a while more ok? Zzz

Random

Reno upstairs and lil bear n bun no need to go back home to hide.

Well, I'm proud to say after all the complaining my little bear slept more yesterday n today. This makes life much easier. Much better.

My daddy did some hacking in the house n the WHOLE HOUSE IS DUSTY! my mom was damn PISSED! Omg! The floor was covered with a think layer of dust, the table n chairs were dusty, the cupboards were dusty, the bed and sofa were dusty... Basically everything was covered with dust. The whole house needs a wash now.

Lucky my lil bear isn't dusty. Hiak hiak.

Currently at my in laws. Lil bear didnt really sleep v well. He was v grumpy jus now. Now he's sleeping . I hope he sleeps longer this time round. His cousins love him. Babies must sleep more lah.. It's good for development.

Lil bear can smile n laugh now. Haha. Hes v interactive these days. Today I managed to put him on the chair n he jus watched me quietly. ( n he tried to bite the seatbelt lah) wonder how long this can last. I hope he stays this way longer.

Bun's first night out

On the way home from a wedding. Long time never attend wedding Liao. Haha.. They are still doing the same boring shit.

Ok lah, as long as the couple likes it, it's good lah. Hope they remain a happy couple. Tats wats most impt!

Soks told me abt a little sleepy niece. So envious. Haha.. Well, every kid is diff. I shldnt grumble abt lil bear. I wonder of we spoil him sometimes. Hmm...

But He's still mummy's fav bear. Haha..

I wonder how k is coping with lil bear. I hope my night out didn't cause my mom to worry until cannot sleep.

It feels kindof weird to be out by myself.

Reaching home soon. Need to pump again. I'm such a milk machine. Haha..

Bun returns home

I am currently blogging in the comforts of my own home. Jus finished washing and changing the bedsheets, mopping floor and wiping the tables. PHEW! Tired but happy.

Feels great to be in my private little home. Not tat I dun like my parents home but it's kindof different? The only house rules are the bun rules! Jus short of one thing. My big bear is not ard!

Bun becomes such a lazy bum bum there. My mom washes the clothes and. Mops the floor like everyday lor! Aiyah, jus close one eye lah, no need so clean one lah.

Gotta go back to look after little bear. Now raining so I taking a break. Of cos it's easier to get things done without lil bear. No interruption. No feeding or pumping. Back to pre preggie time.

I'm not grumbling. Jus enjoying while I can.

2 mth old little bear

My little bear is 2 months old! Time flies! 2 months ago I was a fat bun, now I'm 13kg lighter. 4 more to go!

Learnt a lot the past mth without the nanny. Well, it isn't too bad. Maternal instincts I guess.

I'm still waking up in the middle of the night to feed him. Honestly he's really Irritating cos hes really sleepy too then he drinks for a few minutes n falls asleep. Then he not full n wakes up again. But wat to do? Bb are like tat mah..

This breastfeeding theory Better b true. Cos it's damn troublesome. Everytime need to pump, dun pump will engorged or lil bear got no food. My breasts feel saggy n they look like shit. Ugly swollen nipples after each pump. Needs a long time to heat up. But one thing is for sure, it's a great way to loose weight. The theory abt saving money isnt attractive enough. Wats the big deal abt spending 40bucks per mth for some convenience and more sleep?

Oh but I guess it's worth a try lah. Won't die mah. Wonder when I shld start him on formula. I feel like a bad mommy if I do it too soon. 2 mths n I'm already depriving him of fresh milk. Cos he needs to drink from bottle.

Oh yah, I jus realize this post is supposed to b abt him. Little bear is fine. He's jus a bit grumpy at times. Doesn't sleep enough in my opinion. But growing well lah. With the help of bun antibodies. He's constantly hot I dunno why. I keep thinking he got fever. Haha.

Today he cuddled in my Arms as I was watching my vampire show. So CUTE. Of cos he's asleep lah. A little lump of meat. Like a kitty cat curled up so snuggly. Hiez.. My little furball is growing up. Soon bun will have a harder time! Enjoying his innocence now.

No kopi

Today I decided not to drink kopi. Drank a cup of green tea instead. Haha.. Thankfully I didn't have a headache. Jus felt very very tired... Super shack... I wonder how to withstand it at work?

My MIL came to visit us. Haha.. So paiseh bun dun really bring little bear out so we end up she come n visit us instead.

K caught the flu bug so bun has less one helper. Nobody to pat big bun to sleep :( ok, I know I am childish. But it feels weird sleeping in separate rooms. I have to tolerate it during weekdays, now he off I also have to look after lil bear all by myself. Sian.

Sleepy.. Now waiting for lil bear to wake up so I can bottle feed him and zzzz.. Watching tat the mama awards. Dun like the songs. So wanna zzz

Dreamy bun

Sometimes I wonder if I am dreaming. I wonder if I really got married and had a baby. Haha.. Sounds weird rite? Too much tv.. Haha. Or rather, I'm always so dreamy.

It's difficult to get lil bear to sleep. So tough u know.. Opps. Shall stop grumbling.

Luckily daddy managed to coax him to sleep so we all can take a break. I wonder how long it will last.

Bun feeling itchy , dunno why. Poor little bear. Bun knocked his head when I put him down on the rocker today. Opps! Guilty. Lucky it wasn't hard. He jus cried for a minute. Heng.

I hate it when he latches on for five min n sleeps. Can't feed him, he gets hungry, then bun has to keep feeding. Waste time n effort. Lucky he likes the bottle now.

Sleepy now. This morn lil bear disturb me from 3am onwards. Noisy bear. Sleep also must yell once in a while.

Dunno what to write already. Byee

Grooming little bear

Cut lil bear's nails jus now and he screamed his head off! He started to cry and as bun desperately tried to clip his nails. Then at the final nail, i pulled his thumb out and clipped. He yelled really loud and kept on yelling and yelling as though I clipped his finger off!! Scared the SHIT out of me! Thankfully I checked his hands and he wasn't hurt. No blood. Jus sweat and tears.

My poor little bear got so traumatized that he continued to sniff even in his sleep while sucking the pacifier. Bun also v traumatized. Shall not cut his nails for the time being.. So scary.. Maybe next month!

Those tiny fingers are so delicate and soft. So soft n silky skin. How can I bear to hurt him?

I have to dig his nose too. Those 2 little holes kindof need cleaning. Poke too deep and who knows what I can damage! ESP when he keeps moving. Its really challenging! Tat day I think I triggered him n he kept sneezing. Then a GIGANTIC NOSE SHIT came out!! It was bigger than his nostril lor!! I was shocked such a big piece could fit in! I wonder if his breathing was disturbed?

I wonder if I bring him to cut hair will he yell?

So far he's quite cooperative when it comes to bathing. Except he urine on bun yesterday before I put him into the tub. Got me all wet. I remember the first time I bathed him I hug him so tight until I got wet as well. Haha. So embarrassing! Well, at least I didn't drop him.

Little bear is asleep now. Clean and well groomed. Mummy swaddled him so he tot someone hug him. BABIES ARE SO GULLIBLE. Good la. I love it when he sleeps. Peace n quiet. Hope he's a sleepy bear next time.

Fat bun

I am still 50kg. 5kg off my normal weight. I know I shldnt be so impatient but I am so eager to go back to the small bun. Wonder wat exercise I shld do?

Swimming will spoil my skin n hair, jogging will jiggle my womb, weights will lead to muscles. Still a fat bun. Gotta work on my image. Me wanna be a pretty mummy. Hiak hiak..

Tats the prob with staying at home. Keep thinking of super unproductive stuff. I can't seem to think abt less bimbotic stuff.

One night I felt lonely all of a sudden. Me n lil bear sleeping alone. Bun alone to handle and feed lil bear. While k gets to sleep the whole night thru. Kind of envious leh.. I wanted to switch to formula milk almost immediately. ESP when lil bear refused to sleep on the bed after the 4am feed.

I think I need to work, or else my brain cells are dying. Not that I always think abt work but some stress will activate my grey matter. And I can get some cash, pay for my Hse, blah blah blah.

Shall jus enjoy my holiday for the time being. Brain lazy. Lazy to think.

Post natal check

Went to the hospital for a post natal check. Feels so strange going back again. I feel pregnant again. Haha..

Did a papsmear test. I wonder for wat? But well, good lah. Or I won't have done one. So damn bloody scared the doc would put his fingers inside me. Super tensed. Luckily he didn't. He cracked a joke n did the procedure as though he was making coffee! I have to admit, although I dun really like him, he was really good. It didnt hurt at all!

He told me "see u again! Next time :)" but I dun think I wanna see him actually. If I have another one I wanna try out a private hospital. See wats the diff.

Sometimes I forget I got preg before. I forget I have a son! GASP! But not for long lah. Cos the reality is i have to look after him, bear with him at night, and do the mummy stuff.

I think I forget how to work. Me getting comfortable at home. I haven been so relaxed for a long time. A long long while.. I dun feel like going back. I forget the concept of money. What it's used for? Haven bought anything for myself. Lil bear is the only one I think abt these days.

Seriously I live by the day. I think my brain cells all died cos I seldom use them. Yawn. Zzzz time!

Relieved bun

The fact that I am blogging again shows tat I am super boliao. I dun feel like doing anything. Sleepy.

Well, lil bear is sleeping now so no more noisy bear. Sleeping bear equals happy bun. My mom also relieved when lil bear eats n sleeps well. Lil bear sometimes drive us nuts trying to figure out what he wants. Haha. Now he's all cuddled up into one lil sleepy bundle.

Sometimes I wonder wats it like to have 2 bears at a go. Haha. Siao. But then again, thinking of going thru preggies n getting fat again really puts me off.

Today bun tried my best not to carry him. Feels strange. But well, I think it's for the best.

Everyday is a new challenge. It's amazing to watch him grow. Big n strong. He's got 40 weeks of bun nutrition. Now still on bun milk diet. Better be strong.

Maybe I shld quit my job. Dun like to work anyway. Can't travel, can't go out much, won't spend so much bah. No guts to quit tats all. See how first. Next yr then say.

Small victory

I got a bear with a ferocious temper. Yelling non stop when I stuff the bottle into his mouth jus now.

I dunno what happen. I think he wasn't in the mood to eat. Not desperate enough to bow down to his last choice. Or could he have figured out my trick?

I managed to bottle feed him 2 times today. Both he was half asleep n hungry. I guess I kindof confused him by putting him on the breastfeeding cushion. He's a one month old baby, can't lose to him rite?? Haha. DUMBO.

Okok I shldnt say such things abt my own bear. But I really felt damn great when I tricked him. Shld celebrate each small victory. N stop harping on failures. wonder if I will achieve success again later?

Last night he was so fidgety he couldn't sleep till 11. bun was exhausted! I kept carrying n letting him latch on until i was so pissed off with him! Damn sian leh! It's not fun at all! Irritating bear. But well, still mummy's darling.

Yawn. Gotta learn his pattern slowly.

I dun like bottles!!!

OMG. my little bear is quite a terrorist.

He refuses to drink bottle milk. He yells at the top of his voice whenever fed. It's not good. Bad bad bad. BAD BEAR.

bun got no patience sometimes. He was doing fine suddenly after a few days of yelling. Jus When I tot hes finally accepting the bottle, he relapsed. I need a miracle! Help!!

My patience is wearing off. I'm tired. Tired but I have to sacrifice. Sometimes I wonder if I shld continue to try. I mean, formula can't be that bad rite? But with his brAins expanding, I really dun know whats gonna happen.

Well, sleepy bun grumbles are boring.

Maybe I shldnt complain. I chose to do this the hard way. I know its gonna be tough.

Sleep early. Tml is another day ahead. Challenging. must make it. Chiong ah!

Zzzzzzzz

One mth old lil bear

My little bear is one mth old! Actually he turned a mth old on the 4 nov but I was too tired to blog.

We got ready early in the morn, bun fed him n my mummy bathed him. We dressed him up in a cute Outfit. The food came on time n looked good. Then the party started. Most of my guests turned up n the food was jus enough, with some leftovers. It was a great party!

Lil bear was well behaved thruout. Cos got pple carry him mah. So he v happy. V v happy. Happy bear is a good bear. He managed to last a bit longer without milk cos he was too happy. Then he threw up on bun when he drank too much. So Bun had to change. Lucky he didn't make much noise after that.

Everyone loved little bear. He's the star after all. He got so many presents until bun also paiseh. There were so many friends n relatives wanting to carry little bear.

I'm so glad we didn't have 3 parties. Wah lau.. I was flat on the sofa at the end of the party. Lousy rite? I only walk ard the house. Never do any preparation also dunno why so exhausted. Super shack bun. Maybe bun rested too much. Leg tired, hand tired, back tired. Bun knocked out at 9pm after dinner. Sleepy sleepy sleepy. Yawn.

I guess I gotta work on my stamina

Last day with nanny

Today's the last Full day the nanny will be ard.

Well, gotta take over her duties. On the flip side, I gonna get more freedom. Muahaha.. I dunno why but I feel a bit restricted in my own house. Strange rite?

But well spent money. Sometimes lil bear is really quite a difficult bear. Im gonna miss the ability to sit back n relax while she changes his diapers, bathes him, cuddles him to sleep.

But hell. I am mummy bun tat brought him into this world. Jus learn lor. But I'm gonna do it my way.

How to cool a crying bear? Pat pat pat, bounce bounce, feed, put oil.

It's a bit strange I have tots of quitting all of a sudden. Frankly the tot of going back gives me creeps. The shit that my team is gonna get is really crazy. And I am the hero to clear the mess. No more preg discount for me. Im be competing fair n square.

But do I have guts to quit? To get preg again in a new place? What if I get bullied? Bun knows how to get things done at my current place. I really hate to venture out of my comfort zone. A comfort zone that's getting a little uncomfortable. Haha.. How ironic.

I'm getting worried for nothing again. Silly silly bun. It's not even like near the end of my maternity. Well, time flies. A month ago I wondered how its like to be a mummy bun n I became one. Now a month has passed n I am gonna find out how it's like to be looking after lil bear without the nanny. But I still got my mummy though. Well, I'm still not alone at least. Relax lah. Bun can do it!

Oh yah, btw, my weight keeps fluctuating between 51 n 52kg. I suspect there's something wrong with the weighing scale. Haha...

SHIT

It's gonna b the end of my confinement soon. Yay! But also means I gotta take care of all lil bear myself. No more Aunty to change nappy n wash him up. Gotta wash dishes :p

This morn lil bear shitted big time. Really BIG TIME! Nanny took off his pampers cos it was soiled. Then suddenly lil bear cringed n POOOOTTTT! It was a freaking big blast! Atomic bomb style. It shot from the bed to the floor n onto the nanny pants. The bed n floor all kena SAI!! OMG!!! Small bear but got power leh.. Lucky bun wasn't there. Or i wld be drenched in shit also. HENG

Anyway, it was totally disgusting but rather funny actually. Cos not I kena spray by sai. Haha. I sat there watching as the Aunty cleaned up the place. She had to change after tat. Bun was actually v sleepy cos it's 5am. But this really woke me up.

Bun jus went to drop some bombs at the shithole. Talk about sai then I stomachache suddenly. Damn shiok after the release. Haha. Must b the massage, increase circulation means more efficient waste removal system.

Btw, I'm down to 51kg. 2 more to go before hitting the 40s. Sound nicer lah.. At least i dun look tat big now. Then jus get rid of those flabby arms n perfect!

I guess the massage n the breastfeeding does help. Happy bun. I know I am vain, so wat?

But I think I need to exercise. I'm not as strong as before. Somehow my arms n legs feel weaker. My back feels weaker. But well, i can't ask for more.

Updates

Yesterday little bear had many visitors. Luckily he was well behaved. He actually eat n sleep whole day. Fellow office buns came to visit n he slept soundly. Then Woke up jus in time to to greet them for a while without crying. Hee. Cos he was full n happy.

Cousin itch came to visit bun n little bear yesterday. Surprise visit. Hee.. So sweet rite? Itch baked a cake. Choc some more. Anyway, they didn't wanna come in cos of superstition so we jus stood outside n chatted. Well, better be safe then sorry rite? K carried lil bear n he slept thru like a good bear. K complained his arms ached after tat.

Btw, good news. My little bear grew bigger. I am quite sure he did. cos hes rather heavy now. Bb grows fast. Lucky he's outside me. Haha.

Did the massage today. Damn pain. Well, but I got a lot of bone prob. She hit jackpot for all my long labour n back problems. Well. It's easy with all her experience. I'm a little itchy from the jamu herbs actually. Or maybe it's the heat. Can't wait to take it off. Wah lau. Damn uncomfortable leh. The bind is so tight n I am sweating all over now. Hot n sticky bun now.

It's crazy sometimes. I wonder if it's worth it or not? But well, Its gonna be over soon.

My lil bear making noise again. He doesnt wanna sleep. Hiyah. I so smelly still wanna feed him. Haha..

Week 3

Well, it's the going to be the end of 3rd week baby bear has been out if bun. He's kind of enjoying it I guess. Eat sleep cry play. Oh yes, he likes to play.

My little one likes to wriggle around n wave his hands frantically. I think he's trying to turn! Now he's fidgeting right next to me. Wiggle wiggle wiggle..

He's drinking 100ml of milk at one go now. Greedy pig. Now wonder hes getting heavy. Hahaha.. My milk factory needs to up supply for my little bear.

I feel like a cow sometimes. My job this month is basically to eat sleep n feed little bear. Need to lie down on my back to take the pressure off my spine. Prevent backache. Somehow my back does get tired easily. Sit too long my back does ache.

Sometimes I get fed up with him when he falls asleep while drinking. Bloody hell. 5min of sucking u fall asleep! A moment ago u were crying for milk. Going nuts if u keep doing this every half hr!!! Noti bear rite? But well, wat to do? He's still only 2 weeks old. Bun jus needs to be patient.

I v lazy to organize his 1mth party. Damn sian to plan. Haha.. U know lah. Bun dun like planning events. Settled the relatives. Now need to plan for frens. But I am in such a slack mood tat I dun feel like doing anything.

Jus did my prayers. Pray that lil bear will be a good bear. Grow up to be a good big bear. Healthy n sensible. Dun give me trouble.

Sleeping lil bear

It's all peace n quiet now. My lil bear is sleeping after a feed. Hope he naps longer! But I only got a few min of peace left. Cos the next feed is comming.

He's really cute when he's all quiet n jus looking at u. Or when he's jus sleeping in my arms. A little cuddly cute bundle. But when he gets grouchy it's super shack. Terrifying little terrorist!

My arms n back ache when I carry him, but well, it's part of training. I guess I'll jus get used to the weight. N increased weight!

I managed to lose another 4 kg after confinement started. Still 54, target to loose another 4 this mth. Although I can't see how I'm supposed to do that with the nanny stuffing me full of herbs n tonics, but me sweating like crazy all the time. I wonder if I'll put back the kgs I lost after confinement.

I'm still getting used to lil bear. Each feed we both struggle until we r all perspiring like crazy. Lil bear panting n bun totally exhausted. No wonder they say breastfeed can slim down! It truly is an art.

Yawn. Shall take a power nap before lil bear wakes up again

Little bear

Its been 11days since i gave birth to My cute little bundle of joy.

Now he's a bigger bundle. A bigger n stronger bear. I must have drank too much coffee during my pregnancy. Little bear keeps staying awake even after feeding. Meanwhile mummy bun jus continues to feed him like a cow. Thankfully I have enough supply.

I guess I got a lot to learn. Expected lah. I can't really handle him well. Need the help of nanny n my mummy. After every feed I am exhausted cos he struggles n cries n I can't figure out why actually. K wanted to feed him formula so bun won't b so tired but since got the nanny why not rite? Jus let her carry the bb to me as and when he needs feeding lah. At least he has one full mth of nutritious bun milk.

The nanny is of great help although she's kindof irritating sometimes. Keep telling me grandmother methods that bun doesn't give a shit abt.

Bun fell into a depression after the 6day of confinement. The nanny pissed me off real bad when she told my mom to buy stout to bathe baby bear. We already told her we didn't want to use this method but she insisted. Some more ask me jus dun tell k can Liao. Bun lost my cool n snatched the stout n went to the room and slammed the drawer. Hmmm.. I didn't know I was so fierce. But anyway, I was really pissed. Then I started to feel sticky n dirty n wanted to stop my unhappy confinement. My mood hit rock bottom n the tears jus flowed like a tap. Misery n self pity jus set in. I couldn't stop the negative tots. It jus kept clouding my little brain, cluttering my head with anger n despair. it's jus a small issue but I couldn't stop feeling sad. I jus couldn't.

Once again I was blessed with a great family. My mummy decided to let me take my first bath, k told me I shld stop breastfeeding cos it can cause depression. Be even wanted to bring me out of the house for a walk. Cos he thinks the whole confinement theory is CRAP. Well, tats how I took my first bath. U know, it's funny, after I bathed, although in that strange herbal water, I felt damn shiok. As though I went to the jungle to camp for 7days n finally had my first bath. instant recovery.

I guess I still find it weird to have a stranger in the house. Bun is a spoilt bun maybe? K bought a heartshaped cake to cheer bun up. hee.. So sweet..

Bun cheered up on the next day. Have been breaking lots of confinement law these few days. Cos I DUN GIVE A DAMN SHIT. Yah. Call me spoilt. I really think it's utter rubbish. So what if I suffer from aches n pain when I grow old. How long can I live in the first place? Why shld I waste my precious youth suffering in something that I DUN BELIEVE IN?

I'm stonger now. I mean it's jus some gossip n basically I know who's the boss. I have control over things. Over my life that is.

I'm still doing hands on training with lil bear. He's really a terror sometimes. Struggling n refusing to sleep. Only slightly over a week old n he's capable of irritating the shit out if us. Haha. Sleepless nights n restless days.

Well, I guess tats part and parcel of being a mummy bun.

Little bear's birth

Finally the day to take lil bear cAme! Excited mummy bun n daddy bear went to the hospital at 6am.

At 7pm, Nurse inserted a pill into me below to induce lil bear. I almost died when she did that! Damn pain n it feels damn invading! I mean like, she kept telling me I need to relax but how to???? How to relax when someone puts their fingers inside u?? OMG. I really hate it when they do this. Can't they use a pincer or something? if the first inducement doesn't work she would have to put in another pill. So I prayed v hard that she won't have to do this again.

Thankfully It worked!!! They gave me breakfast n I ate everything but regretted shortly. They sent me up to the ward to rest. Bun started to feel nausea n went went to shit 3 times. Btw its a Common symptom of labor.

Contractions became more frequent n bun started to feel crammy. Still bearable at this moment.

Then suddenly I heard a POP sound! Water gushed out like crazy. On the bed, floor.. Lucky i was in hospital lor! Super unglam lor! My water broke!! Lucky I wasn't in the office or outside when it happen.

I was rushed to the delivery room. N they put all the tubes over me. N the doc on duty put her freaking fingers INSIDE me again!! WT**** I really wanted to yell out but held back! Why must they keep doing that? Can't they jus use one of those mini cameras? N stop asking me to relax when it's not possible!

Anyway, after tat I decided to take the infamous epidural. Secretly took 2 bites of snickers choc to prepare for the long marathon first. Anyway, the anastist took 1hr to come. I bet it's cos I asked at 12, lunchtime. He came at 1plus. Tried the deep breathing and gas meanwhile.

Finally he came and bun was scared but excited. He poked the life threatening instrument inside me n I jus relaxed. MIRACLE! The pain was gone n I had a painless labour. Muahaha.. Could even play with my Hp. Everything was numb, and I couldnt really feel my legs. I couldn't even feel the dialation check n the insertion of the urine tube into me! I was totally thankful or that.

The excitement began at the last part. 630 the nurse checked my dilation. A pain free check this time. I was so relaxed my dilation reached 10cm already! Muahahaha..

Doc say bb will drop n pushing will be easier if I waited till ard 830. Meanwhile the midwife practiced with me how to push out lil beAr. She told me to think of shitting n I did managed to push him more out a little. It was getting uncomfortable cos started to feel a bit of contractions.

The last hr of labor was ultimate CHAOS. I kept shivering cos they turned off the epidural. Withdrawal symptoms started as the drug wore off. Puked out the gastric juice inside me. I knew I had to get bear out before there was no painkillers left. Time was running out.

There were 2 midwifes, k supporting my back n the doc squeezed my tummy with each contraction. PUSH!!!! bun HUFFED n PUFFED with each contraction. PUSHHHH!!!! PUFF PUFF PUFF. Omg, lil bear was still stuck n bun was exhausted. Doc say try some more if not he will use forcep to pull lil bear out. Which honestly I was so tired I didn't mind. Then the next wave came n then with all my might I squeezed my Lower stomach n lil bear literally FLEW out of me. U know kindof like when u LS?

What a relief! The next thing I heard was lil bear crying. Phew. Music! Doc stitched me up I could feel the string n needle passing thru me. Felt like forever.

Strangely i suffer more after birth. It was really HELL. With no more epidural, j could feel the cramps of the uterus contracting. It's not as bad as labour pain but kindof like menstrual cramps. K made all the calls n took pictures as bun lay there whining in pain. Bun threw up twice n had painkillers stuffed up my ass to stop the discomfort. It was at least 3hrs before everything went back to normal. Or at least it felt that long. I didn't even wanna get off the bed to sit on the wheelchair to be transferred up to my ward. After tat I continued to be sore below. And omg, I was totally had no energy to move myself. I felt like a weak jelly bun.

Lucky got k beside me. Told him how proud of him I was. Brave n showed me tender loving care when I needed him most.

Glad it's over. Really v tramatic experience. Having a sore bottom but I guess it's nothing compared to a c-section cut. Its kindof like piles I guess. Shall be thankful n not complain abt that few stitches.

The night still haunts me but bun is still grateful it went smoothly. Now need to go on to the next stage. Confinement plus taking care of little bear. A new chapter of my life.

My last day

Today I am 39weeks n 6 days preg. my last day with bb bear inside me!

Enjoyed the day lazing ard at home. Its not v fantastic but well, I can't really move ard much. Might as well b contented.

Doc is gonna induce me tml. Scary. I'll be in labour! Thousands of tots crossed my mind yesterday when he told me my cervix is not ready. What if its unsuccessful? Do I really have to go thru c section? I tot of it saddened me.

But I have decided to look on the bright side. I will b strong. With so many pple looking out for bun n cheering bun on, I am confident lil bear will cooperate.

Btw, my waistline ballooned to 42inches n my weight 62.5kg! Today is the last day of being a fat bun. Not missing my bump though. Hahha.. Looking forward to slim down.

Lil bear lil bear come out quick! Mummy can't wait to see u! Hugs n kisses!

Shall go drink some coconut juice. Hee.. I love coconut. Gonna miss it.

No little bear today

Another day passed n my little bear is still inside me. Although he kicked me like mad today. I dunno what's wrong with him.

Me like a kiasu parent rushing him to get out. Haha.. But really he was such a noti bear today. Won't even let me have a moment of peace.

Kick kick kickity PUNCH!! Harden! STRETCH!!!

Wah lau! So damn bloody uncomfortable lor! I wonder if bear is ok. Apparently he all squashed up inside.

Little bear little bear, come out n stretch ur legs! I promise to hug u tightly!

He did calm down a bit after I went downstairs for a walk dispite my swollen feet n heavy tummy.

Oh yah, I also ate some choc ice cream. Hee.. Happy bun with happy bear inside me. He finally decided to sleep. I wonder for how long though...

Lil bear Still inside

Well, I shouldn't be so impatient but I he's still not out yet!

Bun gets clumsier each n every day n lil bear jus prefers to stay indoors. Can't eat much cos I think my stomach got squashed by my bear bear. I bet he's really fat n huge. I can feel his feet touching my rib cage.

Today is mooncake festival but bear doesnt wanna come out play lantern. No small n cuddly bundle for today I guess. I jus have to contend with being fat n heavy today.

Wonder if he'll be out tml? Impatient hor? Haha.. Mummy's waiting!!! N so is everyone else!

It's not like I'm suffering a great deal or what, I jus like to get a job done n strike it off my to do list. Haha. Sounds crazy but the idea is there.

I am not afraid. Cos I chose this path. No matter what happens or how much I complain dun pity me. I am willing. But in any case, I am really doing fine. Enjoying it. But a bit sick of being preg n waiting to go on to the next step.

I'm not crazy, jus being myself. Muahahaha...

Tml my big bear ain't gonna be ard if my waters break. Tat is if it happens during office hrs. Haha.. But it doent matter. Cos Im sure theres time to rush to the hospital. We live on a little island. It's only an hr away.

Lil bear is figiting inside me. Hee.. I guess he's excited too.. We, shall jus wait n c.

Stomachache bun

Another day has passed. Little bear still wants to be inside bun. Hahaha... But nvm, he's still not overdue anyway.

Have been going out since the start of my maternity. Decided to take a break today cos I am kindof tired. Weak.

Bun had a tummy ache last night and my right leg ached like hell. I wonder why. Too much cooling stuff I think. Greedy bun ate mee pok, popiah, banana, lime juice, milk, grapes, carrot soup, vege. One or a few stuff must have made lil bear angry. He kept tossing the whole night. Not to mention I had wind inside me. Basically was feeling like shit.

I dunno how it links to my leg but I tot I had rheumatism. Or maybe its jus my body weight pressing on my nerves when i sleep on my side. It felt as though I had been standing on one leg the whole day! Lucky my sweet k massaged my leg so I felt better. Tilted the fan away from me. Which was something I would never have done. I mean, I have been such a hot bun! But it did Help n bun managed to fall asleep.

For a moment I tot I was going to give birth but then again, I wasnt having contractions. No blood n no water. Well. It jus wasn't time. Lil bear ain't ready.

It's kindof silly I know. Am I wasting my time taking leave early? But well, a week of leave was rather shiok. ESP I dun have the chance to enjoy life so much after lil bear is born.

Can't really eat much today. Lil bear is still tossing ard. He's rather figity today. Or maybe i have nothing to distract me. Wonder if the bear has awakened!

But bun is tired. Sleepy sleepysleepy. Still feel a lil weird inside. But I guess it's normal? Not worried. Jus wondering. Time flies. Soon he will b out n I won't even remember I posted this. Haha..

Day one on maternity leave

1st day of my maternity. Quite shiok actually.

Early morn my dad bought noodle breakfast for me. Went to snip my long hair off. Frankly I look damn toot cos I ask the hairdresser to cut my fringe shorter, since I can't go n cut anyway. But who cares. I am not going to meet anyone familiar these days.

Went for my checkup. The bloody doc told me he was going on leave next week. So he won't b ard on my due date. Wah lau! But nvm lah, dun really like him anyway. Anyway I jus leave it to fate. It's really luck i Guess.

Well, relax bah. Worry also no use. I jus wanna wait n see.

I can feel lil bear pushin against my bones. Opening the gates. Haha

Tml going out again. Hee

Bun talk

Got this strange feeling in my head. As in a mental thingy. Kindof weird.

I can't wait to go on leave. But yet i kindof miss the place. I guess it's like school holiday. U wish for the holidays but yet feel bored. Something happened at work n it's kindof human issue. Taichi games. Puts me off n I really feel quite useless after that. Gotta face the music tml n I am super unwilling. But I have learned never to avoid problems. It all comes back to u in the end. one way or another. Small issue. I am so inexperienced in handling this. Office politics r ard all the time. Everywhere.

Lil bear due round the corner. He's maxing out inside me. I can't wait to see him.

I wonder of the feelin I'm having now is stress. But nothing really stressful happened. Is my stress tolerance that low?? The slightest things irritate or worry me. How to deal with the bigger issues in life? Where did my courage go?

I spend half the time in a dreamy state recently. No mood no mood no mood.

I got super major decisions to make n I am still procrastinating. To quit or not to quit? Haha.. Ok, maybe it's not a v big deal. Not like I am earning big bucks. I am young n educated n wif a bit of experience.

I wonder if I shld bother to try to do something abt my career in the company. Dun wanna be boss anymore. It's tiring to look after others welfare.

The selfish bun wants to explore. So much more than to jus go thru the usual office shit everyday. Gen y gets bored easily, doesn't like responsibility.

Aunt bun

Lots of news this week. Wonder where I shld start.

Moved into mummy's place on sun. Still haven packed finish my hospital bag.

Went for a checkup on mon. Lil bear is fine. Wonder when he will b out.

Bad news. Aunt bun passed away on mon. Bun jus visited her on sat cos she was in quite bad state. Everyone in the family made effort to see her. Good to have lots of siblings. Or rather siblings that bother. All these time during her illness she has been well taken care of by her family. I guess tats kindof a blessing? Easy for me to say but i really think the timing was such a coincidence. My parents finished fixing the grilles n painting the house. My dad wasnt working n lil bear not out yet. Freeing up my parents to help 100%. But still, sad lah. U always miss a good person.

My grandma is still cranky in the mind. I hope nobody else has to go thru this. She is really lucky her kids r really filial. I saw her on sat, uncle says shes well behaved cos bun is a stranger to her.

Heard my other Aunty bun went bonkers suddenly during the cremation. So scary. Lucky she is fine now. Mummy went to check on her yesterday n she was back to normal.

The mind is so impt. Strength. Mental strength. Bun must b strong. I hope everyone will be also. We must go on!

Sleepy Saturday bun

Opps I did it again! I borrowed a book to read from the library. After a few pages I felt so sleepy n I slept! Aiyo. This is my 2nd nap in the day. Woke up aching all over. Wonder why.

Today I shitted 3 times. My ass hurts. After the 2nd time I tot I got it all out but the melon milk tea must have triggered off another pile of human organic waste. Btw it tasted great. A bit too sweet but still nice!

As u know I got sweet tooth. Ate sushi n a choc mr bean pancake for lunch. Did my prayers n washed the clothes n read my book. Then I wasted my time sleeping.

But at least today bun ain't bored. Jus tired for some reason. Lil bear sleeping now. Jus now so active. I could see my tummy wobble ard with those power kicks!

Friday bun

Today is fri! Totally forgot abt it until I went to office. Haha.. I super off these days. Heart not at work liao. It's so funny u know, I was like thinking I still got fri to complete my job then opps! It's fri already!

But it's a good thing lah. The weekend is here n I can stop wasting time at work. Haha..

Jus ate a bowl of mango snow ice. Yummy!!! I shared it with k but it triggered him only. Lil bear really likes such sweet stuff. K shitting now as I wait at Mac. Can really move ard cos lil bear grew so much I hit 40inches now! Carrying a big bowling ball ard ain't a joke. Either hes huge or there is jus a lot of water inside bun. Or maybe I got a big placenta.

Btw, speaking of placenta, I can't imagine pple eat their own placenta. Sounds damn disgusting to me. YUCKS!

Bun day

Another day has passed. Bun keeps feeling sleepy these days. Yawn. So letargic.

I feel like I am wasting my day away sometimes. Better to go to work m earn some money. At home I am so useless.

This morn the usual empty bus didn't come so bun took a crowded bus. Nobody took pity on bun so I didn't get a seat. Well, too and rite?

The jam made it worse. The bus kept jerking. Then the journey became extra long. But bun jus remained calm n watched my you tube. Then suddenly towards the end of the expressway the bus gave a big JERK!

The guy behind me lost balance n fell on bun! Poor bun swinged n almost fell! So paiseh. The woman standing beside me got worried and ask me if I needed a seat. Then the guy paiseh n gave up his seat to me. Heng ah! Blessing in disguise. I shld have fell onto that one tat was sleeping. Haha. But anyway, I still thanked him n sat down.

Oh yah, recently I got a strange problem. My fingers cramp up every morn. I dunno why! I guess it's the side effects of pregnancy. But this morn k was v sweet. He got up early so he gave me a morn massage. Hee..

Not top bad a day lah. Spent most of the day not fulfilling much. Haha.. But well, i managed to earn some money. Haha..

Watching a lot of tv these days cos I got no mood to do anything. Frankly I am lazy to chant. But I know I shld. For my lil bear n everyone.

Fun bun

Went to Charlie brown cafe with hui. Couldnt concentrate the whole day cos i was thinking of playing. Its good to have a fren jus as childish as u. Muahahaha... We remembered the good old times when hui came to my Hse to play with dumb things n bake unsuccessful stuff.

We took some photos for remembrance. Cos got the Charlie brown character. Hui dropped our chocolate ice cream on the table while taking a photo. It slided off the plate when she held it up! I almost died of laughter when it happened.

Anyway it's great that hui ate more this round so I won't get that fat. Although I still ate most of the food.

The next day I took half day n went out with my frens again. Missed a meeting but who cares. Bun super slack at work now. But well, I try my best . Had a great catch up session. At night went to hy's art exhibition. Long time never see her Liao. Shes still the same. Following her idealistic dreams n passion. Earning close to nothing n relying on her family for food. But well, I guess its her choice n i shouldn't be so judgmental. I pref my life though.

Without money life would b tough. How to eat at charlie brown? Hee... Maybe I am not the arty type. Dun see the point in buying pictures.

Bought milk n 2 buns for dinner. I dunno why but I felt like puking at night. Damn uncomfortable. Indigestion. Usually I eat quite ok one. Wonder which item was the cause. Or I ate too much yesterday? Greedy bun.

Today I woke up feeling great. Luckily. Ate some rockmelon n a lil swiss roll. Going to a party later.

Play play play.. Bun bun happy!

Looking forward to lil bear. One more month!

Money bun

Bun fell asleep while reading again. Lazy bun. I think I am better off working. Washed the bedsheets today. I think two days later can keep Liao. So hot.

Even as I type my bloggie I feel like sleeping. Yawn.

I had an urge recently to buy a condo for speculation purposes. Until I realized the downpayment is like 100k. After tat every mth must pay cash. Bank loan sounds risky the int rates fluctuate. I guess I am jus not up to it yet. I guess I am the type of person tat gets influenced easily by advertisements. I better stick to fixed deposit. Call myself a finance major.

I bought 2 magnum ice creams yesterday. Cos buy one get one free. Aunty rite? Actually I pref other flavor but got offer then I buy this instead. Then today I go ntuc I saw them selling one box for cheaper than what I bought. Wah lau! In the end I decided not to waste money. Might As well buy a tub at 5 bucks even cheaper. Bought some fruit instead. Healthier.

I know life is short. Must enjoy life. But then again, if I spend all then how to buy my condo? But then again, why shld I buy condo? What if I speculate wrongly?

Going to mummy Hse. Wonder what's for dinner? maybe she bought ice cream. Muahahaha

Lazy bun lazy bear

Oo. I got a lazy little bear. Well, what u expect from a slack mummy bun.

Almost fell asleep during last nite lecture. I was yawning all the way. I threw away brochures cos I can't b bothered to read them. Lazy lazy lazy. Bun only likes to eat n sleep

I can't shop as well as before. Plus I dun really have the mood to buy or dress up. But I guess I shld walk ard. Shopping is still the best solution. Muahaha.

Many pple ard me going to Europe. Make bun so excited. Haha. Kepo. But I think it will tire me out though. Lil bear is getting heavy. My tummy jus tightens suddenly. Lil bear kicks also getting stronger. Bun gets breathless sometimes. Esp when bun lies down. My lungs no space lah. But I shouldnt complain lah. Cos I am lucky to have lil bear.

The chain of events that bun went thru made it seem that I was really blessed with all the luck conceive a lil bear.

Hungry. Haha. Bun keep feeling hungry these days. I wonder how much food is going to lil bear. I jus ate dinner! I know he wants choc. Sweet stuff. Yummy yummy.

Strange effect of the course

Went for a course today. Dunno why instead of getting motivated I ended up feeling more demoralized. Same bullshit, different year.

Haha.. It's so ironic rite? I dunno why I lost my passion n fire. Jus gone. Or maybe I am just not interested. Its not that I am overloaded or what, it's jus v sick of this shit. Well I jus got no mood ok?

But anyway, count myself lucky I got away with a lot of things.

Well nobody can motivate u if u decide to be grumpy. I guess I jus have a negative outlook of such courses. I dunno la.

Shall stop grumbling. Enjoy life. Tml managed to Siam. Super slack bun. No mood to work either. Yawn.

Little bear turned upside down

Bloggie time again!

Little bear turned! Yay! He's upside down now. Must be feelin v dizzy. Hahaz. I am one step nearer to a normal delivery.

Supposed to visit k sis at the hospital after she gave birth but he got tired n we decided to go tml instead. Guys. Anyway woodlands is nearer.

Bun is feeling lazy too.. I haven prepared anything for my sharing later. Jus dun feel like it.

Spent a great time with the gals last nite. Jen brought her little one out n we all played wif her. Such a cutie pie. Pizza n finger food. Haha.. We all love such stuff. I wonder if lil bear will be as bubbly.

Bun bun bun. Slacking away on the sofa.

Bun blogging during poor network

Network sucks. I can't seem to surf the net at all. So wrote bloggie lor... Haha

But dun expect anything fantastic or disgusting. Cos nothing fantastic or disgusting happened. DUH. Except for the fly i jus smashed on the toilet wall. It wasn't bloody or anything. Rather small one too. I jus didn't like it's presence. So I tried my luck and squashed it with my bare hands. It wasn't fast enough so. I crushed it into a small black mush. Washed my hands and wallah! All done.

Anyway, i shouldn't waste my time talking abt flies. YUCKS! Went for prenatal class today. Not bad. Got lots of tips n learnt some exercises. Quite lazy to do also. I guess it's cos I got a big tummy. Super lethargic today, dunno why. I tot I slept early leh.. But still like tat. I had so much trouble walking for a short dist. My knees hurt n my legs ached. Dunno why. Slight Panting too.

Now I feel sleepy jus by sitting on the bed. But I promised k to Accompany him while he studies.

Could it b the pregnancy is exhausting me? My little bear grew again. Wah lau, so big now. I really wonder. But nvm lah, as long as lil bear is fine I dun mind the inconvenience. 3 more mths. Only. Or maybe 2?

Sleepy.. Nitez

Sunday bun

I wonder how little bear will be like. Hee.. I hope he is healthy. N listen to bun. Wonder if he is normal.

Cousins twins were born recently. Still in the hospital cos premature. I would b worried sick if I were them. The two bb One of them is in special care. The other still not Totally healthy. Hope they grow faster n will go home soon.

My sis in law maid ran away. Well, it's not a big deal except she's giving birth next week. Kindof the wrong timing. But they seem v calm abt it. Well, at most hire another one lor..

Come to think abt it, bun better enjoy the peace n quiet at home now. Omm..

But I am looking forward to see little bear although I know nuts abt bb. Well, k will help me la. I wonder how soon I shld have a another little bun.

Bun seems to have so much to pray for these days. It's like so many things are going wrong.

I have this thought. I know it sounds kepo n stupid. But seriously, why not rite? I jus gotta say it. I hope all my frens n family get married n live happily ever after.

Bun bun birthday week

It started on Sunday. Went to itch Hse for lunch met up with all my relatives n got to show off my size. Haha.. Got to eat itch food also. I ate quite a lot I think. It was a light hearted event except the point wen my grandma went bonkers all of a sudden. Walked away so bun feel so sad. I know i am Useless. But its painful to watch someone degrade mentally Until this stage. I hope i never get dementia. Hope it doesnt happen to anyone else. After tat k treated bun to gabatti. Super filling! I think the food quite nice leh, but k wasn't satisfied. Oh well.. But I had indigestion at night. I think I overate. I dunno why. I jus felt like shit.

Monday I met up wif soks and gy. Had dinner n cake. Long time never chat wif. Gy Liao. It was a great catchup. Dinner was good too.

Then the next day my collegues surprised bun wif a cake. N presents!! Then I met hui for dinner n shopping!!! Bought presents n talked rubbish. Hui early morn tok abt shopping until I couldn't concentrate at work. Haha.. Ok lah I am v slack I know. Was looking forward to meeting me. Hui gave me a v cute umbrella n we went to eat. As usual she didn't finish her food n greedy bun ate all of mine. I order so fattening stuff some more. I felt like such a greedy pig. Had to multi task as my cousins had a mass chat group.

Then finally it was my birthday!! Family day.

Went lunch wif parents, spent 35 bucks only for 5dishes. Super worth it. Went out shopping wif my parents. My dad ended up buying the stroller for little bear. Cost ard 200plus. Expensive birthday gift rite... I wanted to pay but my dad insisted. Hee..

Treated my parents n k to dinner at ichiban. Quite shocked tat the bill was 80bucks! But well, i think it's ok to spend sometimes. Plus it's a special day mah...

Today was back to normal. I went to work n I'm going to my mom Hse for a fabulous home cooked dinner.

Tml I took leave to go shopping!!! Muahaha.. That's my weeks worth of enjoyment. I feel so loved. Me a happy bun. Although I quite exhausted actually but I had a lot of fun.

Must enjoy life lah.. How i feel abt hitting 30? Well, it's jus a number. I jus wanna play. Still a kiddy bun. Life is unpredictable. I gotta keep striving hard to reach my goals. Still be a fun bun! I mustn't loose my passion! Chiong ah!!!!

BBQ bun

Went or a BBQ last nite. Long time since I went for one.

Had special treatment cos I am preg. Everyone kept fussing over bun. Haha... I told them to relax n jus enjoy. Dun worry.. Cos actually bun is really v healthy. N singapore is safe.

I think my resistance is actually higher cos I m fatter n I take vitamins daily. Not that I wanna be how Lian.

I ate lots of meat last nite. Dun worry, all those stuff like hotdogs n crabstick are cooked originally. The uncooked food I made sure they were cooked fully. N threw away all those chow ta parts. Anyway, damn thirsty last night so I drank 4cups of orange juice. Really damn shiok. I managed to leave the pit early so got home at 10 plus. Not bad lah, at least it's not as far as I tot.

Little bear is getting heavy. My tummy feels like it is sagging. I hug it sometimes when walking. So it's less heavy. Haha...

Have been shittin a lot these 2days. Haha... Wonder issit the kopi. One day an shit twice or thrice. Or maybe all the walking. I hope I can force little bear out naturally.

Hiez, k is going out tonight. Bun will b home alone. Lonely lonely lonely. But I better enjoy it now. Next time I wan time out also v tough Liao.

I hope little bear is an easy bear. Not like noti mummy bun. Haaha

Bun talk

Yay! Went for my checkup today. Healthy bun n healthy bb bear. No diabetes. Hee...

Tat day drank one big cup of coke to ease my sore throat. I had to take the risk. But anyway, I seldom do such things.

Brought my parents to Tony Roma. It was so meaty we were really filled to the max! too bad the steak was too raw. Or else I could have ate more. But v satisfied wif the portion n taste. N price. Cos I had a voucher n we 4 ate 3 plates. Haha.. The ribs were wet n tasty, I got my fav baked potato. Yummy!

Indulgence. My mom commented tat now youngsters always anyhow spend money. I told her life is short. Sometimes must enjoy. Anyway we had a discount.

Bun got an ache on the left side of my mouth. Hope it's not a toothache. I haven't went to the dentist this yr cos I scared must pull teeth then lil bear alergic to the anesthetic. But well, see how it goes bah.

I gained abt 8 kg now. But I think I look bigger than tat. Strange why I so small can balloon suddenly. But nvm lah, it's jus temporary.

Yawn. Bun waiting for k to b back. On the aircon cos it's freaking hot outside. Plus the chicken soup is really keeping me warm. Or maybe the meat overdose.

Weekend bun

I finally got my belief enshrined last sun. All went well. It wasn't a big bang but smooth. I got wat I wanted n k has been rather supportive.

I've been More eager to chant n life has been great so far.

Went shopping with my in laws yesterday. Bought lots of stuff for my little bear. Expensive but worth it lah.. It's jus the start of our constant cash outflow. Tip of the iceberg.

Somehow I guess I must have caught the bug while shopping. Woke up wif a sorethroat today. Starting to sneeze n have a dripping nose already. Bought a whole lot of fruits to counter the bug. Hope I recover by tml. Wonder if I shld take tat yellow tablet. It's gonna make me a really sleepy bun. But I wonder if it has side effects. But then again, the doc says it's safe..

It's a super hot Sunday today, bun tried to snooze in the room but gave up cos it's too hot. It's the headache type of heat inside the room.

Silly bun whines

Didn't sleep well last night. Had a leg cramp all of a sudden. Wah lau, damn pain. Must be lack of some minerals. I tot a big snake coiled round me n squeezed my leg. I froze for that few painful seconds n desperately tried to bend my leg to get rid of the pain. Hurt like hell. Can't walk properly this morn.

After tat I managed to sleep again by ended up dreaming of bombs n me running ard. Woke up panting from my nightmare.

Damn bloody restless these few weeks. Keep getting uptight n grumpy dunno why.. Moods. Its not PMS what issit? Hormones? Or jus nervous jitters?

I feel like My tummy is gonna explode. Damn tight n I can't turn properly.

Today is fri n strangely I can't seem to feel excited at all?

Enshrining my beliefs on sun. I hope k will come with me. I know he hates such stuff but I dun wanna go alone, although faith is supposed to be strong. Although I shld have the standalone spirit but it will be good for him to accompany bun thru this.

Its my silly bun whines again, I guess it's time to stop the grumbling n move on.

Bun thoughts

I wish i could change the world. There is so many things that are going wrong. Emotionally I can't help but to feel tat I am here not doing anything to help.

But then, life is like tat. I am not god. I didnt get to my current state of life out of pure luck. Although I must admit I am rather lucky. But my prayers took some time to get answered.

I see some people are wasting their lives away. But who am I to say this? Haha... U are what u chose to become.

I choosen my path. Wasn't totally smooth but I manage to get by. With some luck. N lots of appreciation for life.

Aim. I need to aim n strive hard. Make my decisions. What shld I do? Time flies n its impt to decide quickly.

Work hard, I got a new role. Dun be such a nua bun. Dun waste the days away.

The seat

Well, good people still exist in singapore. Someone jus gave up her seat to me. Lucky.

Actually I was partially blocked but then later after a while I got revealed. Then someone decided to be nice. Gave her the biggest n brightest bun smile I could.

I dun think I deserve to have a seat. Everyone is tired, it's jus that being the weaker one, it was kindof out of symapathy .

I wonder if I go for the mornin bus will I be so lucky. Tat one is really of got no seat n got jam I can really stand damn long.

Simple joys brighten my day . or the rest of the night.

Fat n lazy bun

Bun is ballooning at a super fast rate. With my tummy expanding like everyday? Aiyo I wonder if I am growing too fast!

I think I am going to explode anytime! The skin is like stretched to the max n I feel so tight. My ligaments hurt sometimes. Not surprising.. I wonder how those people can dunno they were preg. Or even hide their pregnancy.

My fren complained she gets tired easily these days. I told her to eat more meat. Haha.. I mean what do u expect from a meat bun.

Missed my prayers today again. Cos I was too lazy to get up. Guilty. I'm going to get the my beliefs enshrined next week n I got no mood. Oops. I dunno why leh.. I hate parties all tat. I guess I shld jus have a quiet event. Jus feeling anti social

I'm also supposed to take a Buddhist exam. Super sian. Jus sian. I wonder wats wrong with me.

Shall dun worry n be happy. It's the weekend tml! I gotta get my motivation back!

Bun in action

Today bun decided to be hardworking. I didn't bum ard the whole morning. Washed clothes n went for haircut. Jus was not in time to pull eyebrows.

Bun is quite tired actually, but I must survive.

Decided to nickname my bb little bear. Anyway. Little bear kicked me a few times recently. Kindof funny feeling. Haha. Sweet but weird.

I am now nuahing at my in laws, half asleep cos last nite I didn't sleep well. Bun was too excited I think. Met up with itch n chatted over dinner.

I got so restless the moment I lie on the bed. The sound of every single thing magnifies by 10 times. Aiyo, I was feeling tired at first.

I guess I jus have to contend wif lying down.

A day has passed n i have quite an achievement. Now a little bored though. Haha..

On standby tml. Hope I no need to work.

Lazy bun

Bun is nuahing my sunday away again.. Haha.. Did lots of visiting though.. Parents, in laws , parents again tonight.

Yesterday whole day at home but lazy to wash clothes. Lazy to go cut hair. N lazy to pull eyebrow. Keep sleeping. Lucky I got something to do at night, forced myself to go for the district meeting.

My whole body feels tired n liturgic now. I dun even wanna walk ard n go ntuc. Jus wanna lie down n zzzz. Or rather I can't sleep but I Am so tired..

I can feel little bun moving inside me, I think.. Bubbling feeling. Cos hes too small still. I wonder what it feels like to be kicked. Haha.

Hope little bun is an easy bun. Then I can have an easy time. Haha.

Busy bun

Such a hectic day today.. There's really a huge lot of people looking for bun. My phone kept ringing non stop, endless stream of questions n pple looking or me. Didnt really get anything done.

Super drained jus now but strangely after work I am starting to become fresh. Maybe I jus allergic to work n all the buzz..

I finally found peace. Glad the weekend is here. Hiak hiak.

Going out to play.. Excited. Lazy night catchup with Soks.

Hope to squeeze in a day for k next week.

Banana bun

Finally! I downloaded a iPhone blog app. Haha... Sickening lah... I got so frustrated trying to log in via Internet. Now I hope this works so I can update more often.

Bun caught the flu bug two weeks ago. Finally recovered but got a sore throat once again. Weak bun.. Too much virus in the air. Hope I dun get sick again or my little one will get sick too.

Btw, the detailed scan is out after the long wait! It's a banana bun. now bun is outnumbered. Gotta start buying blue stuff. No wonder I got so fat. Big puffy bun now.

Btw i feel a bit shortchanged. my gynae sees me for less than 5min each time. N I have to wait for him for so long. What a waste of time n money. But k says tat at least he dun they to cheat out money by going for unnecessary checks n issue extra medication. I also go back only after 6 weeks. Well, jus try out n c bah..

Anyway, starting to plan for the future Liao. Wonder if how he will be like? How mummy I will be? Haha.. I wonder when shld I have another one? Thoughts. Jus thoughts. Now point worrying abt stuff u can't change.

Its such a lazy sunday afternoon. I think I wanna enjoy the moment now before my days of peace end.

hope and faith

I think i am getting senile, took so long jus to get to this page and update my bloggie.
i went for a discussion meeting last sat. the assistant leader died suddenly due to stroke and lots of people were severely demoralized. especially the aunties that were closer to her.

the senior leader came down to talk to us and give us encouragments.

"the scariest thing in life is not illness or poverty, it is the feeling of being useless." quoted from mother theresa. i guess thats true. who doesnt feel useless and helpless once in a while. or maybe even all the time in our subconciousness? i often belittle myself, think that i didnt do much. after all, not everything i do shows results straight away... i must learn to be patient. work and wait, dun give up halfway.. i washed the clothes today, ate with my dad, going to eat with my parents tonight, all these small actions are my sucessful attempts of being filial daughter and a good wife.

even the bubbly happy bun feels down once in a while. but i important thing is not to loose hope. i pledge my faith to my belief, to believe even if things go wrong, to place my life into an unknown source of power.. if things go wrong, there must be a reason. they call it karma. its might have been worse...

it sounds really harsh but i believe it was probably the best way to go. it could have been worse rite? who knows, she might have already escaped death before but her life got prolonged due to her good deeds. but in the end people have to die rite? its jus when and how? i wonder i sound heartless and arrogant to say this. but of cos i will question why if i were closer to her. maybe i just say that we all have a limited time on earth, stop spending it feeling angry and in regret. i hope her family doesnt go into depression. depression is even more serious than disease.

i pray for the strength to carry on with life. for my friends and family's health and happiness. for the wisdom to be able to encourage others, to motivate others to lead happy fulfilling lives. i bring up a good little bun.

Bun thoughts

Bun is nuahing my life away again. I wonder abt the future sometimes, what should I do? How can I keep my fire burning inside me? It's important. I want to be superbun remember? The last thing that should happen is I waste my life away watching and waiting. I gotta be a role model for my little bun. Sometimes I wonder if I picked the wrong time to have little bun. Of all the years I have a dragon bun. But if I waited what if I can't have a little bun? Why worry abt the future rite? My bun will learn to survive, n be as lucky as mummy bun. Haha.. Jus being a KS mummy. Btw, k brought home a pet lobster. Realize I really ain't no animal lover. I still think that animals r meant to be eaten. Shoudnt keep the lobster, think they should be in the wild. The lobster is really jus wasting it's life away at in the tank. It's not even fun in there. I wonder if it's happy.

a bun week

little bun is growing well, i guess, cos bun is getting hungry more often. heee... pants as tight as last week, not much change.

went to enjoy the faciliites at marina bay sands cos my fren had a free room. went swimming in the top of the hotel and enjoyed the magnificient view! then i went to their bathroom and soaked my feet into their hot water tub. couldnt go in fully to soak cos i didnt wanna burn little bun. what a luxury! great experience. i mean, i would never pay to do such a thing.

bun got my bonus credited into my statement but dunno why i dun really feel anything. it seems as though money is not important.

bun decided to buy a 1000 bustan to enshrine my belief. hesitant at first, but then, u know ah, if money can buy happiness, why not rite?

oh yah, my parents came back safely from china. haven seen my parents cos one of their fren passed away suddenly cos of a stroke, so they have been going to the funeral for the past few days.

life is so unpredictable. i got a shock when i recieved the news.

ate kfc for lunch but i felt like shit after eating. i guess little bun doesnt like it. haha.. or maybe its the bachang i ate this morn. that half a nonya chang really made my stomach work too hard.

damn lazy day today, but at least i got something settled. haha.. .shall go and purchase my bustan tml. hiak hiak.. nmhrgk.

The 2nd trimester

Yippee! I got past those 1st trimester symptoms! Almost lah, I do get a little woozy sometimes but on the whole bun is feeling fine. Weekend is near. N bun can't wait. I am going out! Bun tummy got fat suddenly this week. But still thinner than k. Hahaha. Gotta say goodbye to my old shorts n skirts. I can't even fit into some tops cos my boobs got fuller too. Muahaha. I think I am gonna be a big mummy bun. 3kg Liao. Oo.. N te bb is like a few hundred grams only? But nvm lah. Healthy can Liao. My list of not to eat foods is gettin longer. No pineapple, mayo, raw, chin chow, mutton.. Watch my sugar. Blah blah blah... Lucky I still can eat most things. I have been treated really well these days. I feel so loved. Haha.. It's probably fri so I am so bubbly.

Silly bun

I dunno what happen last night. I got stressed up n I couldn't sleep. I kept worrying abt stupid things. Damn. I tried to turn it off but I couldn't. Tossed n turned in bed whole night. Jumpy bun whole night. Hope little bun wasn't affected. Hope I can last the whole day today. It's not fun to be all drained out at work. So today must water plants for mummy. She went to china with daddy. Hope it will be fun. Hee.. I was thinking they should enjoy themselves now before little bun comes along n we all get bz. I am trying to relax. It's not easy but I am trying to tune my brain. Got lots of support from everyone ard bun. Pampering n helping bun. I heard the recession is comming soon. It's ok if I get retrenched.

rest n relax bun

damn slack these few days. spent all my time nuahing away. well, i should try to enjoy such freetime before i get into action.

life is so ironic. u know, its seems jus yesterday i became a married bun. well, time flies.

i am glad i have the previllege of becoming a mummy bun. of cos it was my choice, but i still had to depend on a little luck.

today i nuahed on bed, waited for k to wake up, then it was lunchtime. we went out to eat. came back, bun read a magazine and took a nap. jus ate some teabreak. tonight going to mummy's for dinner. basically i jus eat sleep and shit. infact today i didnt shit so i jus ate and slept. its an easy but kindof boring though.. my brain cells will die off if i continue like this.

i wanna go out shopping soon. although i get exhausted easily. but i still have some shopping to do.

remember my motto of enjoying life? its good to be happy

i feel like garfield. jus lying around doing absolultely nothing. hahaha.. why strive so much, stress out ourselves so much in life? whats the point? but then again, if its for a purpose, then i guess all the exhaustion and stress is worth it. as long as u know wat u r doing, or at least think that you know what you are doing, jus do it.

i have so much to learn about kids. project bb. its jus one of my milestones in life. i love accomplishments. this year my change in status beats everythig else that went wrong.

i will be out of the stupid coporate politics in mid sept i guess. 6 more months. haha...good riddance.

my little dragon bun

yesterday i typed a long post but i pressed the wrong button and deleted everything. SHIT.

anyway, to cut the story short, i will be having a little bun approximately around 4 oct. hee.. so excited about my little dragon bun, or xiao long bao.

the wait has finally ended and bun can progress on to become a proud mummy bun. i was lucky i guess.

i am lucky enough not to vomit out everything i eat, although i cant eat much. but of cos i am so tired everyday. perpetually a big sleepy bun. i can hardly concentrate at work. plus some mood swings.

my tummy is getting rounder but still nobody can see it. i put on close to 2kg already. wearing skirts and dresses. pple say small sized mummies have small bumps. well, i dunno, but who cares. as long as my little bun is fine i am happy.

got my bonus for the year. not as good as last year but i am satisfied anyway. n i am not interested in getting promoted.

little bun came at the right time. i can miss the peak period at work. i feel a bit bad but i guess i shouldnt lah, they can have more bonus. 4 months maternity is as good as a 4 month bonus. hiak hiak..

okok, shall not be sickening. but now at least i can concentrate on being happy and healthy.

took a day off today. bun already on holiday mood liao. at my mom's place now. i cant move around much, cos i get tired easily. i perfer to sit down. dun really like shopping. so might as well jus stay at home.

last week i went out with k, drank a avocado banana milkshake. i loved the milkshake, seldom i get healthy stuff that taste so good.

shucks. sleepy again.. after reading my own blog. haha..

7 years

It's my 7 th year in the company. How time flies. I was jus a little innocent bun then. Now I have been thru ao many hard knocks. But I would still say I am quite lucky. Boss gave me lots of opportunities and bun got promoted twice. Well, I shouldn't ask for more, I started out as a contract job for only one year. Now I manage a group of pple. Wow, I have grown a lot, especially the past year. I guess it's time. Perfect for my exit strategy. Hopefully. Govt launched something again. Bloody hell. Gonna make me work my ass off. But work is work, I shouldn't let it affect my life so much rite? Although I did get really boiled up on fri cos of an audit issue. Bit anyway, I should learn to contol my anger. What's the point of getting angry and wasting energy rite? Life has so much more than jus a work. Took an afternoon nap jus now. Now I got a headache. Must be the heat. Drank a bit if kopi but it didn't work. Still aching away. I still think that coffee is good once in a while. Although i drink less. Much much less. Off to my mom place again. Dinner time is coming. Eat sleep n shit. I thinking need an ice cold cup of coke to feel better. Haha. Or jus hope the ache goes away when it's cool at night.

home alone bun

bun is alone today. well, at least for the daytime (lucky i got district meeting tonight).

its kindof bored. especially when i am such a lazy bun. nuahing my precious saturday away.

its good to have free time, i guess i shouldnt grumble. good to not be in a mad rush. good to be away from work. but i do have work to do, except i am jus procrastinating.

haha..washing and well, doing some planning that i havent got the time to do so during work hours.

ate rice for breakfast so i wont need to be in a rush to eat lunch. haha.. i know, i know, i am so lazy. cant even be bothered to eat. i got eggs, potatoes and apples in the fridge. i guess that sums up my lunch if i am lazy.

super relaxed today. no mood to go out. feeling sleepy now. sleepy sleepy bun. but i know later i lie on the bed i cant sleep.

shall pamper myself and nua on the bed. haha.. well, must enjoy life.

aunt bun

well, i dunno what to say, mixed feelings. life is so unpredictable u know, so many ups and downs.

was pleasantly suprised when my boss spoke to me to increase my staff strength. good. i think i would really need some extra help. my team needs it. perfectly even more since i am thinking of leaving them.

after that i was saddened by the bad news that my aunt got cancer. yah, the C word is so scary. its kindof like a death sentence. as what most people would percieve it as. but i am still glad she would try. still strong life force. really, i guess she's kind of strong for the sake of the family, the family wants to be strong cos of her, u know, its a good cycle of motivation.

we still cling on to hope, still think that there may be a chance. everyone's praying for her now, hoping she doesnt give up, still stays strong and able to overcome it.

its a rare form of cancer. never heard of it but who knows? everyone, every body, every cell is different. she might just be the lucky one. we must think that way... i mean, wat else can we do but believe? i would like to think that since it hasn't spreaded to other organs yet there's still hope? i wonder why docs dun just cut off one of her lungs. i have heard of pple living with one lung. why not rite? but then again, im just a layman who only can guess.

there's nothing positive on the internet. maybe ignorance is bliss? we might as well focus on reading how people got cured?

i pray for the good fortune for her to meet a doc who makes the right decisions. somehow able to save her life. somehow, somehow...

meanwhile the people living that think they are suffering, please continue to enjoy ur life. dun work ur ass off. money is impt but not everything. last night i went to make a cup of hot milo and sipped it slowly togther with k, well, simple things can be enjoyable. meeting up with my friends.

i gotta start eating breakfast with daddy again.  i got lazy eversince i moved out. cos if i ate with dad, then what about k? u know lah, i got so many men to entertain. i got sunday free for him but he's just so onz about cycling. so its seriously not entirely my fault. excuses. i shld get him to learn to like the food near my place.. keke..

The day after bun can't sleep

It's raining today, great weather to sleep. Except I didn't sleep well last night. I wonder wat happen. My mind was a busy buzz the whole night. I kept thinking of stupid things last night. Dunno stressed abt wat. Or maybe Chinese tea has caffeine. I got lower tolerance after I quit coffee. Regular coffee drinking. Tossed n turned until I finally dozzed off for a moment, dreaming I went for some massage. I guess tats better than nothing. My restless body jus won't rest! This morn after eating my banana I felt the urge to shit. Wonderful feeling after u have constipation for a few days. Now my ass hurts after that big hard piece came out. Yawn. I'm so gonna fall asleep later. It's so cozy. Saw 2 birds this morn. I honestly dun find them cute. Those black minors. Horrible rite? Animals r meant for eating. I get torn in between those animal rights activitst. On one hand, I think u shldnt torture animals. But then I love meat. I hate birds. Dun really like the rest also. Well, I think I am mumbling rubbish. Not enough oxygen in my brain. Sleepy. Zzz

Quitter bun

This bloody blogsite so hard to use. Press here press there then finally can update. Update Liao got no spacing. Spent 1hr bitching away in the office abt how IT sucks. Life really sucks sometimes. But it's jus work. Glad to be able to help itch somehow. U know, I've been thinking, I really shld find something that I like to do n pursue it. I'm not enjoying my work at all! Half the time I think the management is talking crap. The other time ok lah, but at the end of the day I jus want my money. I dun think I really shld go on.I shld figure out how I can do something meaningful. To society, to the environment, to anything. It's not that my job is not good. It's just that the cookware politics kindof suck big time. Arrows keep flying. Btw, I heard they put chemicals into milk powder to boost the growth of the child's brain. That is GROSS! how can we do such thing? Am I too old fashioned to believe that we shouldn't do such things to the brain? Brain can be stimulated through thinking. I guess Singapore is such a competitive place. Honestly I dun feel like staying here. No wonder cousin went to Aussie. U only got life, why waste time here? I guess I jus gotta lug though my bond and I will be fine. I dun wanna work anymore. I gotta do something I like. Live life to the fullest. Money is not everything. I always knew I was superbun

same bullshit, different day

on leave today.. sudden decision cos i wanted to escape an event. its not that i dun like the person who organised. I am jus sick of all the coporate bullshit. might as well jus spend quality time at home.

Although I didnt really do much today but at least anything is better than spending 4 hrs listening to crap. I hope I dun scare my boss with all these attitude issues.

okok, i shall not be grumpy. haha..

bun is trying to relax but i keep getting stressed up cos of work. many times my blood jus boils as i speak over the phone. recently midway thru conversations I got pple asking me not to be angry liao.. OPPS.. am i getting fiercer? I told them I am not angry with them, I am just very demoralized that all these crap is happening. but overall I tot I still quite good tempered. They havent met some of my frens, dunno what is called fierce. haha..

bun is at mummy bun's place now.. well fed and pampered. i still have washing to do but tat can wait. haha..

tml morning nuah then go eat breakfast, afternoon going to in laws again.. routine. lucky i got meeting so got little bit of variation.

been eating expensive lunches recently. recession comming still spend like tat.. but well, must enjoy life sometimes. anyway, money isnt everything.

Bun updates

Damn long never bloggie Liao. Lazy. Well, this shows tat I am not as free now? Or I jus can't be bothered, or I dun have any problems I need to bitch abt. Went to bkk recently. Lugged back loads of stuff. Spent so much money but I enjoyed myself. Watched twilight recently during v day. The show sucks. Book Is much better. N I am still hooked to vampire diaries. Haha. Well, I did change my idol though. The other blood sucker is cuter. Some health issues happening to pple ard me. I hope they get well . it's really so impt to be healthy. It's so impt to love ur life, jus learn to appreciate the simple stuff tat happens. everyday is a blessing.

Boring bun

Finally met up with boss after damn bloody long year. Work until damn sian wanna quit but dun dare to say. Haha.. If I have kids I Wanna quit too!! Haha... Anyway, screw the job, I kindof less stressed up these few days. Not much business.. Everyone is on leave recently, muahaha... Peaceful. It is so noisy here.. But I guess different families have different practices. But I wonder how I will raise kids.. Haha.. Little terrors.. I guess it's impt to have a happy family, tats all tat matters. Children with happy families are always more well bred. At least they listen to their parents Yesterday I eat steamboat. Eat until cannot eat dinner. Fat Liao. Recently eat until dinner got no space to eat, damn bloated at night. today lucky I shit out everything in the morn.. Feel much better after tat. Bored. What shall I do during my free time? Should I run another marathon? Marathon? Haha..

New year

SHIT I forgot to give my grandma an ang pow!! Yah. I am such an ungrateful bastard. I was born rude n raised with no values.. Forget mah.. Say whatever u like, it's too late. Bloody hell. I knew i missed out something. Of all person I missed my grandma. Honestly I ain't close to her. Cos I jus aint a friendly bun. I guess it's my fault. Hiez... I told u I wasnt in a new yr mood, so many rules. Anyway, I said I won't feel sorry for myself. So be it , next year I give lor.. Today the time passes really fast. Now I have to enjoy the night. Im lying on the sofa nuahing my life away n not feeling guilty. Sometimes I forget I am living in my own house. Forget i got married n live away from my parents. Confused. I think I need to eat more brain pills. Me getting stupid n forgetful.

New year blues

I'm having the new year blues. Strange.. I dun feel like goin visiting tml. I really dun feel like meeting all my relatives. Well, I hope my mood will change. I dunno why but I jus got no mood. Haven even wrapped my ang POWs. Jus dun feel lke it. But well, rather than sit n sulk, I shall jus go with it. I think I got PMS. It's always worse during the time of the month. U know, I think only kids love new year. Parties r fir kids n old people. But got nothing Better to do also so might as well make myself useful. Nothing nice to say, got no resolution, $&@@"##%^^*

boring bun

I'm getting a bit bored after I finished my vampire diaries... nothing much to look forward to.. haha... i have to wait once a week... know i shouldnt be so impatient... but u know, i love superheros.. esp good looking ones..

i have quite a lot of free time on hand and i aint making full use of it. i know.. i work like shit on weekdays, i really should give myself a break on weekends rite?

as much as i try to be appreciative of what i have, i cant contain my restless energy.. its like i need to run another marathon again.. i have been forced to do something i really hate at work again.. jus no job satisfaction.

backroom operations is kindof the clear shit department. where idiots work their asses off because of what is decided upfront.

im kindof used to that. but also sick of this life.

i wonder what i should do? housewife? haha... i dun think that will satisfy me either honestly..

i need to do something to believe that this is the best possible way i am leading my life. every moment, every second. i want to enjoy life.

it has even come to  a point that money doesnt matter. I even wanted to go europe recently. but im going bkk next month. anyway, honestly a trip doesnt really satisfy me. for long that is...i will still come back a restless bun.

but having said that... im still v glad that i dun have that much to worry about.. u know, i dun really suffer much.. i hope it stays that way.. so what if im not a super bun? haha..  

Cannot sleep

I can't sleep. Restless bun.. I wonder if it's the coffee.. Or all the excitement today.. Bloody hell.. I feel so restless now.. I fell asleep, had a dream.. Then woke up at 1am. Now I am wide awake. I guess there is no point lying on the bed and getting frustrated. So I came out to blog. Celebrated mummy's 60 th birthday. Wonderful day. The weather n traffic were all fantastic! The food was great too! Later im going to the bloody office to face some shit I left behind on monday. I feel like quitting again, it's always like tat.. I wonder if I shld go on . Omg, I'm freaking out at the stuff I am used to doing for 6years!! anyway, i now also v edgy.. Trying to keep myself cool now.. Cos I cannot sleep get so upset for wat? Jus sun sleep la! It's not like I have anything on.. I mean got work lah, but it's not v critical. I wonder if I'm alergic to coffee? One cup of thick one n whole night no peace. Or is OT the excercise ? Or I went to bed too early last night. Shall not waste time feeling angry, it's not worth it. Super boliao. Shall go read sonething boring.

New year blog

It's one of those boring days again. U know ah, everyone ard me is either giving birth or expecting. It's kindof weird. But happy for them lah... Oh yah. Yesterday supposed to have new year resolution. 1. Enshrine my beliefs 2. Stay positive n stop feeling sorry for myself 3. Stop procrastinating 4. Become fitter bun Well, I guess all these goals r so vague it's hard to tell what I really gonna do. But at least a change in mindset helps to kickstart the new year! Youth is when we should strive hard to achieve. I'm nuahing around too much. But I wanna enjoy life! Oh yah.. I killed a cockroach at the stroke of midnight. Wat a sign! It's an indication that the year will be fulll of victories! I feel so sleepy.. But I dun like to sleep in other pple Hse. Headache again... Sian.. I wanna get rid of the pain but how? Maybe I gotta jus relax my brain..