Bun needs motivation

Ate with my colleagues today. Felt like the last supper.

It was a good catchup. Noting my bz schedule.

I'm trying to motivate myself to send my résumé out. But when I reach home I am always bz. When lil bear sleeps I feel v tired too then I go sleep. I need more energy. I have to get my enthusiasm back!

Lazy bun.

Things keep popping up and I my determination keeps swaying. Oh my.. I feel so useless, can't even do a simple thing.

I realize I dun have a hobby. Nothing interests me liao. Nothing except lil bear stuff. He's the new guy in my life. Haha..

On a seperate note, I'm trying to get lil bear to sleep thru the night. I tried water, feeding him extra, all methods. Doesn't work. Hope my fatty bear sleeps tonight.

I'm running out of patience with him. I wonder when he will sleep thru. Maybe I need to chant more. Tuabapao tuabapao tuabapao tuabapao....

To quit or not?

Updated my résumé. Realize tat I got quite a lot of experience.

I wonder if I will survive out there.

Not that it's a bed of roses here. But at least I know people.

No use avoiding problems. It's always my policy.

I spent some time grooming one of my gals jus now. I realize they actually have more drive than me. I'm a bit burnt out.

I a bit sick of getting arrowed. Being left to face the politics. I blow up at every single thing that goes wrong. This is so unlike me. Need to keep cool.

K thinks I am making the wrong choice to abandon my stability. That I will regret.

True. I'm not exactly tortured here.

But I'm still gonna prepare myself. Jus in case. Jus in case I can't make it. No point feeling so sad abt work rite?

Big bosses comming back next week. The shit will repeat again. Must motivate myself.

To stay or not to stay

Tired tired tired. Bun is so tired. Think I caught lil bear virus. He was sick for the past few days. YAWN. Old bun is exhausted.

Bun is torn between whether to stay or leave. Well, on one hand, I dun like my job. On the other hand. I work with a great bunch of idiots like me, working our ass off for a bunch of freaks called senior management.

I know it's not wise to be emo when it comes to work. People take advantage, tat how it works here. But I've seem to lost my drive.

Or rather, I am sick of working here. Everyday kena arrow new stuff. Everyone thinks i am V free issit? or am i too sensitive? actually its v tiring to managw people. but yet for Managing people , well, must say I am quite good with my team. We got chemistry.

Well, still looking ard. No harm looking.. Thinking thinking thinking. Hope I make a wise choice. No regrets!

PangSai go where?

Suddenly i got this dream. im gonna create a webpage called "PangSai go where"

Rate the best toilets in singapore. Or maybe even have info abt shit. or info on toilets? haaha.. Will I get sued for copyright?

Maybe I should hor? Follow my dreams rite?

Kena SAI!

I wanna quit

Damn, I'm buckling to pressure again. I feel like quitting.

It's not that I am incapable of doing it. It's jus tat I feel I dun want to do it.

I decided not to be humble. I dun need the job. THE JOB NEEDS ME.

But I must admit. I need my people. Quite impressed wif the things they r capable of sometimes. Some things I never think of.

It's kindof strange. I decided that I must go home on time, well, I did. But yet there's so many things outstanding that I haven't done. Which I feel obliged to complete. Or shld I? Am I not efficient enough?

Last night lil bear woke up n refused to sleep. YAWN. Carried him for damn long before he zzzz.. I also carry until eyes closed. Hiez.. The sacrifice of a mummy.

Today panda bun. Lil bear still dare to smile at me this morn. Hiez, how to scold him?

Tired. Must go relax more often.

Tai Tai bun

It's a hot lazy afternoon. Bun is at a hotel lobby with my k nuahing on a soft sofa full of big fluffy cushions. We ordered a glass of ice blended Irish coffee n a slice of cake. Slowly sipping n soaking into the atmosphere. Light jazz music playing in the background jus makes the place extra cozy.

The bill's kindof ex, but well, sometimes we jus gotta enjoy a moment together. Couple time.

Its my off day today n will not grumble.

Chilling out in a high class place. Feel like sleeping. But the coffee's making me excited. Haha..

Shall enjoy my romantic date. Muahahah...

Bored bun

I dunno if I shld blog anymore. Jus loosing my interest suddenly. It's getting boring.

I've been working OT these days, with a major project comming soon. Life is gonna get bad n I jus can't seem to find my motivation. It's super sianzz. I know I shouldn't grumble but I jus feel grumpy.

I'm spending my time in my in laws now. All the screaming n shouting here. Kids. I wonder if lil bear will be like tat too. Hope not.

I used to enjoy going to my grandma Hse. My mom didnt even need to bother abt me. Now the kids look bored here. My bear seems to like it though. Hahaha. I must admit, even the adults look bored.

But still, I gotta be thankful that I have a happy family. N a job. So well, dun grumble liao. Be thankful.

I still need to save the world. Be happy!

Emo bun

I dunno why I'm feeling sad. Emo emo emo.

I had such a splendid weekend. Dinner on thurs night, whole day at home with lil bear, went to hui Hse n in law Hse on sat, then at my dream home today. Not tat exciting but I'm content.

Maybe my recent flu bug has weakened me. Felt a bit shitty on fri n sat. After I went to hui Hse I took a bus all by myself m lil bear n I was super exhausted. Damn damn tired. But happy. I always wanted to do that.

Anyway, I'm not gonna get a car so lil bear gotta get used to buses. Or rather I'm going to have to get used to bringing him out using public transport.

Tired. He was all well behaved except at night. We put him on a new mattress. he wouldn't sleep. It was too hot. plus He didn't like the aircon. So he made that clear to us. A sleepless night for bun. Ok lah, I managed to get a 2hr nap somewhere, if u count it.

Lil bear was kindof cranky today. Prob due to the lack of sleep. N the heat.

My big bear also hot n sleepy. He's am exhausted papa bear lying on the sofa.

Tell u a secret. I lost a kilo again. I think it's the flu. N the milking. N the stress. Not exactly v good. But well, it's a happy problem. Not in the rush to solve it.

Bonus is comming n the pressure is heating up at work. I'm not exactly looking forward to this time of the yr. strange rite? People will go. It's jus a part of life. I shld get used to it. Grow up bun.

Lil bear didn't sleep!

Sat night lil bear couldn't sleep so he kept crying.

I couldn't fig out wat happened to him. I tot he was being noti. But maybe he wasnt. Kept tossing ard the bed n dropping his pacifier. From 2am onwards! Then keep cryjng for help after tat. Make me n k so frustrated. We woke up like 10 times tat night lor! N he didn't sleep after feeding him!

sleepy bun bun was so pissed with him! I know I shldnt get upset but well, he's really damn irritating mah... Pple still praise him for being a good boy outside. GOOD MY FOOT!

It's either he got too excited at night or it was too hot. I hope it's the weather though.

Come to think of it, I shld have on the aircon. But sleepy mah, never think of it. Plus he wasn't dripping wif sweat.

The next day we were damn stone. Lil bear was fine but we v tired. Super duper stoned. In addition bun was having a flu. My nose was perpetually dripping! Still need to look after him.

Last night I took the drowsy pill n knocked out completely! K said I snore like a crazy bulldozer. Haha, poor k. Luckily he wasn't pissed with Noisy bun.

I didn't hear lil bear until 5am. The sleepy bun went to feed him. Luckily he didn't give me hell after tat . Let me sleep for another precious hr.

Today my head still floating due to the magic pill. Yawn. I hope tonight is not like crazy sat.

Bun couldn't do much work today. Damn inefficient. But for a sick bun I am not too bad la .

Efficient bun

Now at a damn bloody boring talk. Kena forced by boss. I'm making the best out of my time by blogging.

Got over my moodiness n had a talk with my staff. Wasn't as bad as I tot. Well, I still dun really love it to be boss. But I had to face the challenge.

Anyway, I realized I was so boggled down by my negativity that I forgot it was lil bear's fifith month! Omg! He's 5 mth already. V soon he's gonna call me mummy!

My little cutie pie. So how Lian rite? Of cos my little one I will find him cute lah! Except at 3am when he yells. It ain't v cute actually.

Ok, shall not complain abt my cutie.

I aim to finish most of my work n go on time. Meed to pump after that some more. Cos I'm going to pat tor! Muahaha.. Wish me luck.

Screw the company.

Setback at office

Demoralized, sad, embarrassed. I am tempted to quit again.

Faced a small setback at work. My worst fears have come true. Or partly true..

I may have to share my manpower with another team. It's not a good idea of cos! My future headcount cut Forever! ESP bad in times as bad as this when there's a head count freeze.

I am totally at a lost. To agree or not to agree? Tat is the question..

Not agree is to safeguard myself. Agree is for paving future relationship ties.. It gives her some exposure also anyway. But my other team mates will suffer.. Why shld we? Will I end up losing more?

I cant blame them actually. There's so much uncertainty here. So much craziness going on. The economy is good n they freezing headcount. WTH???

A 2 mth transfer.. Humph! I bet it's gonna be forever n bun team will be left one short.

It's when times like this I really feel like quitting. I'm jus an assistant manager looking after a team of 5. Which idiot does that?? An associate got less responsibility but my pay isn't far off.

HieZ.. Why m I still grumbling? I can't stop thinking abt all the negative things! Work prob is the easiest to solve cos I can always quit! But I know I shouldn't run away from problems. It will always come back n haunt me.

I wonder how I can do better as a manager. Or maybe I shld jus relax n do my stuff. I gotta learn to adapt to stress.

Still gotta do my test cases. My test scenarios. Endless stuff to do n I jus wanna waste my life away. Yah I know they pay me to work but I'm jus so so so demoralized that my job feels meaningless.

I no mood still gotta put on a brave front n face my team later. No choice. That's what a leader has to do.

Unless I quit.

Back to office

Wow! So fast I'm back at work again!

Not as bad as I tot lah. But same bullshit different day. Haha.. Super duper bz. Can't finish lah.. Luckily i still remember some stuff. but kindof rusty, need to waste time referring. With my milking its making my time even shorter.

The only prob is that I have to travel such a long way home. Currently taking the mrt back. Hopefully its faster. everyday i rush home to see my little bear. its so sad if i go home to see a sleeping bear every day.

Little bear starting to have funny sleep patterns again. Sometimes waking up at 3am! Hiez.. Gotta train him to sleep thru. Or else how to work like tat?

I'm so tired today. But at least I got most of my stuff done. Most lah, not all. Luckily I'm still not stressed up yet.

Yawn. Tired after work. Luckily I didn't bring back the stuff. Won't do it anyway.

Jus work n see how bah.

Pre work syndrome

My days are numbered... The time has come.. I knew it would happen sooner or later.... Dark clouds loom as doomsday.. It's fated.. I can't do anything abt it.

15 feb. I choose this fateful day to return to work. Now I only have 1 more days to enjoy my holiday. Yah I know I had close to 5 mths of break, but well, the more the merrier rite?

Little bear is jus starting to get used to strangers. He's kindof warming up to new people. Let pple see his smiley side.

The 2nd day of cny he laughed non stop at his cousin. My little cutie pie.. He was so happy when all the kids tried to play with him. The little girls were so gentle n sweet. The boys tried to be gentle with him.

The was so exhausted that he slept thru the night n kept sleeping the next day. I shld bring him out more often man.. Make him tired tired then I got peace.

Today is pat tor day. At SENTOSA! Haha.. It's drizzling.. Hope the rain stops.

Ok lah... Shall not be so grumpy. Shall jus get on with life n stop whining. Jiayou bun bun!

Plugged ducts

My boob got stuck AGAIN! One of the pipes inside got jammed and its causing a lot of discomfort. The boob disorder led to a fever.

It's been ages since I had one. Forgot how bad it feels. Every single bone in my body seemed to be aching. My head felt like it was going to explode. I felt like SHIT. Damn bloody shitty. It was as though there were a hundred elephants Pounding n stamping on poor bun.

I took my temperature n it was a FREAKING 39 DEGREES! I tot I was gonna die! Quickly ate some milo n biscuits before I popped the panadol.

Fortunately it worked on me. Although i I still felt quite sick this morn. Popped another 2 pills n went to zzzz. Had to wake k to carry lil bear cos he was yelling non stop.

On the side note, little bear was a brave bear today. He didn't cry when the doc jabbed him! Surprise! Or maybe cos the milk he drank consists of the panadol I are. Haha。 anyhow, I'm so proud of him.

Getting sleepy. My boob still a bit swell. Hope my temp dun shoot up later!

Fun bun

Damn shack after a few days of play.

It all started on thur. Went to my office to take a blood test, After listening to their complaints, I dun feel like going back. Its the same shit but getting worse! seriously, why m i going back to the shithole again? Am I stupid or what? I think so bah. Haha..

I met up with pf for lunch n shopping. Its so nice to shop on a weekday. everyones working. bun can browse thru freely. no queues pr crowds. Spent one hr in the toilet pumping n discarded everything.

Then i Went to a pub with to listen to live band and have drink. It's really sweet of him to bring me there. I won't call it romantic place but its new n interesting. The last time I went to a pub I didn't find it tat fantastic as this. It's a guy place. U can't really chat there. Then band was good though. havent drank anything alcholic in months. So I decided to indulge for one night. SHIOK AH!! the beer had a sweet tinge to it. im glad i ordered tat bottle cos the one k drank tasted like they added water. i changed my perception of beer after drinking this. plus to blue bottle makes it look so cool . Ended up discarding all my milk agAin. Even had to throw away the next morning batch cos k forbid me to feed his precious bear tainted milk.

Fri was another day of fun! Went out early in the morn to go Ktv. LALALA! The Good thin is tat i had a room so i Didnt need to punp in the loo. It's a bit tough n messy cos icant really see. But still good la.. I dumped the contents into the soya bean milk container n k called me disgusting. Better than putting into the cup rite?? At least it's disposable.

Next stop was to get my repaired pump from Philips. Then we went to Robertson quay for a romantic sushi dinner. I think we were the only idiots that ordered one dish at a time n shared our food. K has been harping tat i wasted money on the skewer breaded pork n prawn wrapped in bacon. I wanted to try it mah... Anyway fried food will surely taste nice. We walk so much hungry so I needed meat!! My boobs nearly exploded when we reached home. We could have spent the money on the cab if we didn't eat the meat. K kept chanting the name of the dish to irritate me.

The next day I was glad little bear still could recognize me. I hugged him cos i missed hugging my little bear. The next 2 days were spent with my in laws. But intially he cried when my in laws came. Aiyo, why so fast he can recognize people?? Bun was dead tired yesterday. Fell asleep at my in laws place.

Anyway, i had a great 2 whole days of romance, really really feels like we went overseas. I think I threw away a litre of milk but well, it's a small sacrifice. My fridge getting a bit too crowded anyway. Happy happy happy!! Happy bun!!

Milky bun

To breastfeed or not to breastfeed, tat is the question. Its good for little bear, but not good for big bun. Plus it's really quite a hassle.

Tat day I spent more than half n hr in the public toilet pumping. Cos I felt milky. Luckily it's not crowded. Or else so embarrassing, and smelly!!!

Doc says bun teeth will rot if I dun eat back the calcium I'm losing to the breastfeeding. Scared the shit out of me!

Bun thinking of getting another pump. But for what? I wonder if I'm wasting money. I like to spend for the sake of convenience. But it's not like a million dollar investment. Plus I still want a little bun.

Bun wonder if bun can make it thru the workplace n maintain my milk production. Honestly doubt I can. ESP since I'm not exactly pro bf. but it's nice to see a big strong bear. I wonder issit cos of bf?

Shall wait n see how lah. It's not like I go out v often anyway. Little bear hardly leaves the house too. Maybe when I start work I will be too bz to think of such stuff anyway n will find a solution naturally.

Why worry now rite?

Sick little bear

My poor little bear is sick.

Jus had his jab yesterday. He was so well behaved yesterday. He didn't cry much after the jab. N he kept laughing while the doc was checking him. The doc was cute though.. Even bun bun felt like laughing when he played with my bear.

But I'm sure he's a strong bear. He's still happily playing despite the fever. I fed him water n he took it like a man. LIKE REAL. he tot it was milk cos the evil bun tricked him. a few sucks then he realized its not milk. Cried angrily when he realized.

But he's coping well. Hope he recovers today or else must see doc doc Liao! Little bear jiayou !!

Oh yah, on the side note, big bun n k went to pat tor. Romantic siah.. Shall go tian mi mi more often.